Beyond the boudaries (BTB) - Script changes

I showed one of the version of the scrip to my friend Lexy, she has been specializing in script writing thought her 3 years on the film production course so i thought she would be able to give us some clear feedback. She sent us a version of the script with annotations on it for us to make changes

lexys notes

She said the readability of the script was hard, the premise of the story is interesting and there were some nice moments in it but overall I was just confused as to what was going on, never got a sense of distinction between characters and some dialouge was corny.

With that in mind i showed a couple of the other scripts to a few people, including other members of the group, to see what they thought.  They said 

• they preferred the script in one location, as it flowed better
• it was better when debbie appeared before pete
• they liked the idea of comparing the 2 addictions
• they didnt see the importance of the relationships of the charactors in relation to the over all story.
• they liked the duel conversations between characters. 

With all this in mind i decided to go back to the first script and the original idea and re work it, to try and get it back to the concept i pitched.